


Gone Astray

by QuietContender



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Episode Related, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-12
Updated: 2012-05-12
Packaged: 2018-02-07 05:24:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1886682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietContender/pseuds/QuietContender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A non-romantic take on Elliot's departure in season 13. Instead of just leaving without saying goodbye, Elliot and Olivia have one last conversation on his turf about his decision to leave the squad after the shooting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone Astray

**Author's Note:**

> Posted on ff.net, reposted here for your reading pleasure. A personal favorite from my SVU fanfic collection.

Happiness abound as a lone woman watched the blissful scene in front of her with unseeing, blank eyes. Countless boys with youthful tans kicked a lone soccer ball across the dusty brown and green expanse of the makeshift soccer field, girls cheered childishly on the sidelines, aiding them with encouragement. The shocking hues of the boys’ uniforms sparkled in the glaring sunlight, parents eagerly prepping the various accoutrements needed for ensuring the happiness of active children. Boxes of juice and bottles of water were passed out with smiles of pride. The lone woman, isolated from the others, had no child to offer a similar response to. She was an outsider looking in; waiting subconsciously for a man she had once considered her best friend.

Detective Olivia Benson was alone, all alone. The heat beamed down from the blue cloudless sky, and her brown eyes looked up expectantly for some kind of a sign, anything that would offer a salve to the miserable shell of a human being she had slowly become since Elliot Stabler’s departure. Each loud yell of childish excitement echoed through her crippled soul, encountering an emptiness that had established firm hold in her heart. The last time she had been here was with Elliot when he begrudgingly dragged her to watch one of his ever growing stable of children play in a football pee-wee league game. That day, one of the last before his unexpected exit, was one of the few incidents where she could recall feeling ease with the world. For the first time, in a long time, crime had stopped for a brief second, allowing her to relax and enjoy life instead of focusing on despair; but that was then, when Elliot was her partner. Now, the only thing she had was misery keeping her company at night, waiting for the inevitable call out to yet another display of the debauchery of the human spirit. Olivia’s face twitched in expectation of the tears but to no avail. It was too late to cry, she needed answers, closure only he could provide.

Suddenly, the tormented woman jumped as a familiar touch on her bare arm brought Olivia’s attention back to the present. It was Elliot Stabler, her ex-partner, in the flesh. She knew who it was before her brain even had time to process his heavy-handed weight on her shoulder. Examining him, Olivia couldn’t believe how healthy he looked, vibrant waves of pure energy pouring off of his virile body as if he was some kind of Greek god of masculinity. Time away from the precinct had obviously done him well, she felt happy for him yet repulsed by his soaring happiness at her expense. It wasn’t fair, Olivia screamed in her thoughts. While she spent the last couple of months in a constant state of confusion, Elliot was basking in happiness that had been stolen from her. When he left, Elliot took the miniscule happiness in her life away and left her with a new identity and the same old human misery that was the Special Victims Unit. Like a divorce, he had taken the kids, leaving her with nothing but an empty house with happy memories and the dogs that cared for her but still lacked the critical essence that only Elliot could bring.

Her blank eyes struggled to refocus on Elliot’s face as his baby-blues pondered the face he knew far too well. “Hey…I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” he said, boyish charm garnering a tiny smile from Olivia as he sat down next to her on the bleachers. “You look tired.”

Olivia frowned, turning to glare at Elliot’s beaming features, the smile gone from her face. “You know and I know that I look far worse than simply tired.”

“I was being nice.”

“Well, don’t,” she spat back, hating her tone but unable to stop it from reaching her voice. Olivia didn’t mean to be spiteful but the last thing she wanted from Elliot was pity while he proceeded to mock her pain with his ever present happiness. An uncomfortable silence developed from the two of them as they sat isolated in the same space, Elliot’s positive energy hardly denting the shield of negativity that Olivia had become all too familiar with over the last couple of months.

“It’s okay if you hate me, Olivia.” Elliot leaned back, his eyes looking up at the sky. “I didn’t do you right by leaving like I did.”

Olivia turned in annoyance to glare at the picture of relaxation that was Elliot. “I could care less that you left, El’. You’re a grown man with a family, you deserve the right to leave, but you left me with nothing, no guidance, no support as if we hadn’t spent over a decade together building a friendship.” As if I didn’t even matter to you, she added silently. Olivia looked away, unable to continue looking at the man who had indirectly caused her so much pain in the last six months. “For the first time, you didn’t have my back. I couldn’t turn to you and you clearly didn’t want me to either. Why? Why did you ice me out? I called you and you didn’t return my calls like I was some kind of common annoyance. Elliot…god, you left me fumbling while you trotted off into the sunset. You want to leave, fine, but don’t leave things unfinished.”

Bursts of childish excitement continued to float through the their conversation as the game tied, putting both the teams’ parents in a predicament of waiting to see whether they would offer celebratory or commiserating words of encouragement to their children in the future. The climactic tension between the two teams reflected between Elliot and Olivia as they sat staring at anything but the other’s tense face. No one wanted to say what had been nagging for attention since Elliot’s arrival. A heavy sigh of exhaustive expectation came from her throat, waiting for the words that she needed to hear from his lips.

Slowly, he lifted his reclined body up from the bleachers, lowering his head in exhaustion. “We were never friends, Olivia. I was your partner. The things you know about me and the things I know about you were a result of our time together as partners, nothing else. I know you’ve always considered me your friend, your confidant, but…I’m just your partner,” his voice cracked slightly, “ex-partner. My decision to leave had nothing to do with you.”

“How can you say that?” she stammered in confusion.

“Because,” Elliot said, his hands running over the graffiti covered aluminum of the bleachers, “it makes it a hell of a lot easier on me to process. Leaving SVU was one of the hardest things I had to do. It was like my second-home, Olivia. I couldn’t talk to you back then because I knew you’d bring up all of these things like friendship that would have made it even harder for me to leave. Seeing you, like this…even now, it’s hard.”

“And what about me, El’?” Olivia demanded, her voice calm, despite the roiling anger bubbling through her at his words. “When you left, did you even _think_ about the ramifications, the consequences of your actions? No, you didn’t because if you had, I wouldn’t have a new partner and you’d still be at your desk, telling me about Eli.” Her voice trailed off to a whisper, the tears she had wished for finally releasing themselves unto her cheeks. “If you hadn’t left, El’…everything would be the same, I wouldn’t have to feel so damn miserable all of the time. I needed you to be there. Without you, I’m just…all alone, again.”

Elliot frowned, taking his ex-partner by the shoulders. The tears continued to fall even as Olivia tried to shake them away with her head. “Olivia. Look at me. Don’t you dare sell yourself short. You don’t need me to be there beside you, if anything I was always playing second-fiddle to your skills. The way you handle the victims…that’s a gift, Olivia. I knew on our first case that you’d always be the star of the show, whether I liked it or not.” Elliot’s hands gripped tighter on Olivia’s naturally bronzed shoulders. “You’re scared, I get that but you have to know that you can do this, ‘Liv. You can be the leader that the team needs because you’ve been doing it all along. The only difference is that I won’t be your right-hand man to protect you if things go south, but I think you can do that all by yourself.”

Olivia’s eyes moved away from Elliot’s own blazing orbs. “Then how come I still feel so…lost?”

“Because,” Elliot replied, releasing his grip from Olivia’s shoulders, “you aren’t letting yourself heal. I know I probably had something to do with that but I’ve given you everything I can, Olivia. It’s time for you to do the rest. SVU needs a new leader and you’re it, whether you like it or not. Once you accept it, you’ll have found your purpose.”

Olivia sighed before turning back to the man she once knew like the back of her own hand. His eyes were the same bright intense boyish blue that she remembered but Olivia knew it was time to accept Elliot’s words as truth. Despite her want for the past, Olivia had to admit to herself that they were two different people now, changed forever by their choices. The man beside her was no longer the Det. Elliot Stabler she had seen as a brother over the last decade. Her mind focused on the once familiar gold shield at his belt, now gone, replaced with nothing but the tools of a father helping out the mothers during a soccer game. This man sitting in front of her was rapidly separating himself from the connections of death and depravity that SVU brought into his family, in order to settle back into the groove of being a father. Olivia was also transitioning into a leader of a unit that had been her home for far too long. They might have been friends once, but now they were just strangers with nothing but the past in common. Elliot had moved on, it was time for Olivia to do the same. The team needed her to step up in the same way that she had needed Elliot to give her guidance, once upon a time.

The pain that had once been overwhelming to the detective eased away, leaving nothing but the scab of closure to a wound that had finally begun the slow process of healing. “Thank you, Elliot.”

“For what?” he asked with boyish innocence.

Olivia looked up at the sky as the sound of thunder in the distance attracted her attention, bringing the game on the soccer field to an abrupt halt as children looked around for their parents or ran toward the family minivan to beat the rain that would surely come. Before he had a chance to rise, she lifted a hand out to halt his mad dash, clear brown eyes capturing his with a level of strength that had been lacking for far too long. “For giving me closure.”

 


End file.
